The Cognitive Tax of 'Looking Attentive': Why We Need Flexible Communication Standards

Look at me when I'm speaking to you."

These words from my sister's teacher have living in my head rent free. Not because they were said with unkindness, but because they represent something I see creeping into our learning and professional spaces more and more: the assumption that there's only one "right" way to communicate and engage. 

It's got me thinking about our virtual workplace culture, particularly the ubiquitous "cameras on" policy. The parallel is striking - in both cases, we're prioritising our own comfort over others' needs.

Let me be clear: just as some people process information better while looking away from a speaker, many professionals engage more deeply when they're not managing the additional cognitive load of being on camera. The team member taking detailed notes whilst their camera is off? They might be your most attentive participant. The colleague who listens while pacing? They could be processing information in exactly the way their brain works best.

I've started asking myself: what happens when we mistake conformity for connection? When we confuse visibility for engagement?

In my experience, our most innovative solutions, our most creative discussions, often emerge when we let go of these rigid expectations. When we trust people to engage in ways that work for them.